Life is good, and so I remember my own words to myself, building my resolve and courage and continue. But instead, this time, I broke down. I am a positive girl and I love life, but it should not be confused with not needing to force myself, almost daily, to put one foot in front of the other just like every one else. I, in turn, pile a mountain of pressures upon my shoulders that is unwarranted and most times unnecessary, but it is a part of who I am. This I do well.
As a part of a writers critique group every week we read our writing. I bring chapters from my current novel and receive help with my sentence structure, which is still a work in progress. They help me clarify areas that may be confusing and build where my storyline may be weak. At the top of the first page my writing team will leave comments like, great chapter, good writing, confused. And all of this is perfect as long as I am directed to the area they may have gotten lost. What is it that needs more attention? So I can fix it.
It took a little while to get comfortable with my trusted partners before I was able to receive constructive criticism, but it is such a necessary part of writing that I look forward to it now and know just how essential this process is. The week before last I was not prepared for the words, “A mostly good job.” What does that even mean? It threw me for a loop because nowhere on my pages sat a highlighted sentence or paragraph. What took my chapter from good to mostly? My delicate house of writing cards came tumbling down. Yes, there may have been a tear or two.
I am a creature of habit. I need structure. Without it I am a wandering mess. This mind of ideas and countless thoughts that spin me in circles must have a routine. Where was I to go with a comment like that and nothing to back it up? My brain did exactly as you might think, my fragile sensibilities became a jumbled nightmare questioning everything. Mostly, what the hell am I doing? And now two weeks later, I have not moved forward. Shame on me.
Sandi taught me, “Ask for what you need,” and that is what I must do.
Instead of my current project I focused on my finished manuscript and had a great time at #PitMad with another writer whom I enjoy immensely, her blog is Romance done Write. It was a perfect escape. You can learn more about the event by following the hash tag link. This is through twitter and if you have not joined twitter yet there is a ton of information and contacts for writers of all kinds there.
Moral of this story…Keep Writing 🙂