Procrastination, self-sabotage & the fear of using words clearly…

1st let me blame my current paradigm on #Starbucks.

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(Yeah, not my name or what I said, but strangely, “this time”, my coffee…)

In my current situation, I find myself with a stomach ache. A self-induced need to vomit due to a class I am taking tomorrow. A one-on-one plotting adventure with a writing coach I admire “too” much and as I try to prepare I find myself with the urge to post here.

Hey ya!

What am I to take from this?

I have hand-scrawled papers strewn about my 10′ long dining room table. My office and desk have become a tangled maze where I can no longer sit comfortably or house the twenty devices I power while writing. I am unable to find the digital files I would like to reference or which apparatus I used while working endless hours on the questions I am sure will be asked.

A mess, a hot, freaking homeless looking disaster would describe me in perfect detail.

Why do I choke? When this is everything I have been working for?

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Somehow, someway trying to place an order through the drive-thru has made me doubt my ability to speak perfect English. I live in the PNW, Pacific Northwest. We don’t have accents unless we are expats from across the country or continents, in which I am not. I have left any valley-girl tendencies back in the eighties, like, totally.

I have, over the years, wheedled my order to the barest of necessities. (the stress involved in a more complicated drink, NOT worth the effort) Americano. Bam. Phlewy. Simple. I need to determine two things, my preferred size and if I’d like my drink iced. There are no bells or whistles. So how does my coffee turn into a Trenta, stirred, non-fat, caramel mocha, extra hot, hold the whip, with drizzle and added cream? ?? ??? 

Aliens? Gremlins have invaded my left frontal brain lobe? No longer do I speak words, but wheeze instead, and the baristas are forced to make the order up?

There are no cars behind me in line. I am alone. There is only 1 drink on the reader board. And if that was my drink, God forbid, I should state my preferences in the wrong order, but it is not. I am 100% positive I am unilingual, sad, I know, and the only words to come out of my mouth were, “May I please,” being polite and all, “have a grande Americano.” Inferring I’d like it hot since the words “iced” were not used.

The whole ordeal defies any form of logic and makes me doubt EVERYTHING. ,

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This will be me.

Because, how? if I am unable to relay a ridiculous coffee order through a drive-thru voice box in clear detail will I ever be able to define the projects I am working on? And storylines are a tad more complicated than ordering a cup of “Joe” or are they?

Write On! ❤ Jess

P.S…wish this girl luck, I have the feeling this is my key to unlocking the magical golden door to the kingdom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

these things I do

Welcome to Thursday, June 8th, 2017 the day AFTER June 7th, 2017, the 1st Wednesday of the month and the official day of IWSG.

( Déjà vu…I feel as though I’ve been here before, many times, many, many times. 😦 )

It’s a very real possibility my membership has been dissolved, being tardy for the party and all.

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Which is exactly why I am the perfect member for The Insecure Writers Support Group.

Insecure Writers Support Group Badge Continue reading

#Happy #June #Baby

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That’s right, so let’s get up and dive in!

(The inspiration is more for me than anyone else, yikes.)

Over on my blog jessicaedouard.com, the one covered in cobwebs and filled with chirping crickets, because I’m a happenstance, infrequent visitor to a blog plastered with my name.

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#WTHJ (What the Heck, Jessica) #GYST (Get your s___together, stuff people, lol) But don’t I make a cute #Kenny? Continue reading

#Confessions

 

Forgive me bloggers for these things about me you should know…

#1-When you follow me I send silent wishings of well-being to your gravatar.

#2-I purposely receive the computer generated follower notice so I can e-mail salutations that you’ll never see. Because they are labeled do not reply. But I issue you a personal thank you and hit send.

#3-At the same time my overwhelming energy of wellness to humanity holds me fiercely in a death grip. Even if you post something that I may not agree on. I will like it for the spirit in which it has been written.

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Why do I write this needless article you wonder? Is is needless? Well, as I sit weekly and return dozens of emails that are absorbed by space, I thought, “is this weird?” From previous entries you know I am a strange-bird. Cue adorable picture.

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Image courtesy of google free images

My humor as staid as my personality, boring and yet full of life. Smiling, I walk on.

What is the purpose? Well, I will tell you what it is for me. I cannot help the urge to spread hope, wishes of well-being and genuine love throughout the universe. You see my daily ramblings @upliftingquotesdaily.com. A vocation to which I dedicate the heart of who I am, wholly.

There is such need for us to stop and appreciate. Ourselves, in this breath and since we have pressures unbounded piled atop of us at breakneck speeds, I hope to do so momentarily for you. A twinkle passing over you in the wind. Positive streams of light and guided energy released and headed to your front door or inbox.

I appreciate you. I care. You matter.

We are all connected in spirit and strength, together we do make a difference. Believe in all things great. You, yours, what can be.

Life’s pressures breed vulnerability. Every day we are fed negativity through various forms of influence and media, everything awful in life for its sensational appeal. And easy to roll into. A flea-ridden blanket riddled with holes offering us misguided comfort. That should be our warning, easy, life is not easy, love is not easy, we as beings are not easy. Forced to believe we are not worthy, but we are.

Take control, project light, move forward, write on! ❤ Jessica

Ps…Does this have anything to do with writing as this blog was intended? Absolutely the bleep not! Breathe pretty flowers, dance.

 

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