the could’ves, would’ves, & should’ves…

...A top 10 for the year known as -whispering- 2017...
(I get it, like, so...eleven days ago.)

#1- Posted for #IWSG on the required 1st Wednesday of every month.

Details…details… Not much to ask, right?

Following said instruction with the included advice from my very well-meaning, makes me smile because her brain stem tingles at a rate faster than mine, baby sister, “You can schedule those…” Yeah, thanks. And, she is right. And, because self-deprecation is something I no longer indulge, inhale or include in my personal evaluations, my response is, “Brilliant.”

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#2- I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve answered the damn questions in the monthly writing prompt.

Questions? Yes, it’s that easy.

As usual, I have a way of veering in a direction less traveled and impressively farthest from any ones cares. My rantings surely touch home base with my doppelganger, wherever she, or he, may reside and what a curious thought, do these strangely familiar individuals act like you or simply possess your devastatingly impressive looks?  (Note to self: too freaky to research further.) 

#3- Splurged in the wealth of information and sane advice from other Insecure Writers Group members.

Why haven’t I?

This is the real question, but one I shall relish in remedying. The site is filled with valuable, relatable, inspiring articles. If I reached out to Insecure Writers creator, Alex Cavanaugh or his helpers, without hesitation, they respond. It’s true, he has talked to me before. (An event in comments I am sure he remembers.) Also, a quality only occasionally found within these fickle writer-type creatures, well-intentioned, but most-times distracted.

The fresh theme at IWSG begs you to dive into the library and, do what? begin…unabashed, belly-flop back flat with no hesitation or fears. The Write Life for year #dos has listed #IWSG as one of its 2018 top 100 websites for writers, sectioned under Writing Communities. Bravo team! Hu, hu, huzza!

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#4- I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve made time for me in whatever crazy spaces I inhabited.

Poof! Recently zapped by an acquired Hogwart’s magic wand, I remember what I’ve always known. Time is elusive and not guaranteed. Whenever feeling the need to justify my situation, instead use solutions, like, this phone has notes & a voice recorder!

I will, going forward, utilize commuting and wait times wherever this life finds me. I am sure there are a million other squandered opportunities my wayward identical twin or inspired sister will unearth in a blaring beacon of light further awakening my dragon, who now, by the way, works for me.

My eyes, my eyes, these, I need ‘computer reading glasses’ tired, inflamed eyes will embrace most assured.

#5- Shown NO fear of splashing, zinging, singing.

La, la la

Why not? be gallant in…everything, especially life’s missteps.

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Dear Self….get your #^! SH*t together

Ummmmm…where has American Writers Exposed Gone?

Because I surely do not know…

It’s possible I do, so let us see if we can unearth this unkempt void to the beginning. 

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What the triple heck? As surely as eating better, my quest to post articles in a regular, meaningful fashion became lost. Sandi has been long on tour and I languishing on holiday in the cavernous recesses of Mt. Blockheadiness. A dismal vacation I promise.

Excuses are poor and so I shan’t give one.

Let’s talk.

My three year do or die clock has struck. 

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The window I gave myself to make my writing gig happen or pack up. 

There was a time I believed I never procrastinated. My littles complained I stuffed way too many stops into a single trip to town. In this day, I find it hard to prepare for a 3 o’clock appointment. My wonder woman invisible mountain blocks my way.

I mean I have to wake up, which could turn into a 2-hour event. There is showering involved, some primping and whining no doubt. My bed is never made so I don’t have to worry about that, but looking in the closet, the dresser drawers? Yikes, pressure begins to build.

So where in the life of lives of mine does my writing fit? I have acclimated into this clinging seaweed monster of advanced stall tactics smack dab in the middle of living my authorly dreams.

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(This is very close to me but you must add a spin, plus another…circling in the same spot.) Annoying, I know.

Over the past 6 months, I have hooked up with some great people. A phenomenal person. A clever-witted brilliant individual with vision, excitement, and knowledge to catapult me into the penman atmosphere of global literary enlightenment. Like POW, where have you been my whole life?

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And what have I done?

Froze. Deer in headlights, the whole gambit. I have no shame to admit such. What is my issue, fear? Didn’t I give that up the 1st time I submitted anything? posted on the internet? stepped forward and admitted I write romance? 

I’m doing everything I said I’d never do like a middle-aged driving disaster going 35 on the interstate and not in the right lane with hazard lights, but to the left. My personal blog and AWE have been left unattended. Don’t you like that acronym, AWE? See I’m doing it again. 

Deep down I understand my fear. When I started, I believed the hype I’d been told. Never did I dream I’d have more downs than ups. Couldn’t imagine the lack of support I’d receive from my community of related personage. Or realized my ability to be impetuously drawn into non-factorly tasks.

What a load.

So I ask the greatest community of wordsmiths in every stage of their multiple WIPs to send this block of dirt a surge of well wishes to “get er’ done!” (I hate that quote too!) Like, tomorrow, or if I’m seriously serious, today.

 

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Write On ❤ Jess!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dumped, Dumpee, Duped? Call it what you will…

Relationships…who needs em?

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Yet, we all do right?

If you are not of the A variety you usually fall into the B category, dumper, duper…sleazebag. Fear not, there is the beauty of karma, irony & fate.

Are these common situations any different in the universe of Writing?

The idea behind American Writers was to expose the underbelly of the journey, our trials, our frustrations, our moments of complete failure, scratches, and occasional success. Instead of being amongst the slew of Writers who claim to be Writers and know everything about Writing …so very much more (yes, I used-so, very & much) than the other 3 gazillion and 4 Writers  (no supporting research data) in the world of Writerdom.

Jeesh, Sally calm down. Not only do I hear you, I feel you sister, but 1st let me bow.

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So what’s the deal with critique groups? Either they are of a higher echelon that you are unworthy of attending or members suck what they can until the group no longer serves their purpose and move on. To where? I believe we still inhabit the same plot structure.

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Ummm, really?

The greatest advice is “be your own cheerleader,” because we have to, yet, there are those few who fall victim to their own great marketing strategies. Even the humble play at being humble to get continued positive strokes. Yikes…

The brilliance of the “CG” situation is enlightening. We all falsely believe WE are the better Writer. And, being amongst the ton is helpful. We are different people, voices, and points of view. Each lends a hand in improving each other in whichever state we find our current WIP. Work in progress, use your words, acronyms don’t make you sound smarter and it’s freaking annoying.

Is there a graceful way to ditch a peer group and move on? Without using flowery bullshit that grownups can decipher? And exactly what is being said to those left behind? I rock, you suck, later dudes.

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We can see you, we have this thing called the internet.

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Brilliant, NOT mine, #FML

Twenty-eight months ago I began the quest for my personal holy grail. I’ve met great people, industry professionals, received the worst advice given to mankind (that I inhaled) and spent thousands of dollars as every other would-be, wanna-be Writing genius. I have a collection of 4 blogs, 2 of which believe I am dead, too many social media accounts to keep up with and am the proud owner of multiple pen names. I have walked away from critique groups and, recently, have been walked out on.

Bound to happen, right?

The decerning piece is when I give my word to writers who have asked something if me, I follow through to the best of my ability and while I don’t have the whole shit and caboodle figured out, I will.

Only the best-Truly-Sour grapes and all

Write On-<3 Jess

Happy September 7th, 2016

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On this first Wednesday of the month! Thank you, guru, Alex Cavanaugh!

This day commiserates a multitude of milestones for me. Two years ago, almost to the day, I left my career to settle into a brutally agonizing field called writing. A satisfying and desolate place where I have met my dearest friends, you!

First, I would like to apologize for missing last month’s post.

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What was it that kept me away? Of course, I’m going to tell you. I signed up for a writing class called publish your non-fiction e-book in 10 days. The no shits and giggles guide to get off your ass and get a writing project done.

No excuse style!

With a brilliant writing coach, named Jennifer Blanchard, who proves in a systematic method the process of writing, editing and publishing such a UMC, unidentified-mysterious-creature, otherwise known as a finished book, most assuredly can be completed and done so, satisfactory.

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The experience was fantastic. Yet, with every writer high, occasionally, (for me-always,) comes a rock-bottom low. And while I lay wallowing in the depths of my self-imposed mire, a needed realization finally hit home. A projection that before was only half tapped.

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I always believed if I was a good person people would be good to me, the reality, not so much. I always believed if I were truthful, kind and sincere the inhabitants of the human world would do so likewise, pretty major disappointment. If I showed support, I would receive support. If I left feedback, I would get feedback. If I smiled, the gesture would be returned. I always believed that what I gave in this lifetime I would get back, tenfold would be an even worse joke. I promise you I did not go that far.

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Instead, this mindset was a major posit for failure. When the world would crash the dejection became internalized and the belief turned into it must be me. If you, too, are an alien being, you don’t know how to take a compliment when one is graciously given, closing yourself off. In steeling myself from repeated pains, the stone wall I erected truthfully kept me from receiving, anything, including everything satisfactory and good.

This horrible addiction and repeated habit took Sandi several years to break me. The simple act of crossing my arms deflected any kind words given or shown toward me as though I was undeserving. But there is more, the pattern of negative self-abuse prevents you from your given gifts of abundance that life waits to bestow upon you.

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I always knew I had a devastating level of high expectations. One by one I learned to let a few of them go. Expectations must fully be replaced with intention. By doing this, the manifestation is yours alone and not one outside force can interfere with the mindset you have set forth. I knew I was getting close, but this hurdle I had yet to knock over.

A realm where one cannot jump into half-cocked. Positive was who I have always been, there were no problems there. But accepting that I deserved abundance was another thing, freeing my mind of what I once believed would set this forward motion and intent free.

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The act of completing a project within a confined time frame leaves no room for those self-doubting negative monsters from the otherworld to play with your gullible hide. You just do and while you feel the fangs of frustration breathing on your neck you continue and before you realize the end goal is done and you can exhale.

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I fooled me into thinking that because I was working with like-agenda creatures we would all be supporting each other in a similar fashion. Full throttle forward and bestowing handshakes, five-star reviews, and praise. You tell me the outcome? Another crushing let-down. Why? Again, I placed MY reward into someone else’s hands. A very dangerous thing.

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But the message finally came in loud & clear.

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I have always known there is a higher purpose for me. I am not going away. I will work in a constant fashion to be better than the day before. Guidance, knowledge, health, wealth and happiness will come naturally. (Again able-minded, willing to see our individual accountabilities and open our western minds to receive.)

I am there and ready to fully absorb this abundance that solely belongs to me. The difference now and the most beautiful thing is-I care, you matter, and, I have a need to share. I refuse to die until I have done something for humanity.

My deceased father’s birthday gift, today, his day, now in his honor has become mine.

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Write on! ❤ Jessica

 P.S-If you’d like a peak into the life of a gender X  click here

P.S.S-If you’re open-minded and would like a true-life look into retail listen here